1. |
SLPWLKR
03:06
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A lesson learned: When I open my mouth, my lips move but then nothing comes out. I'm better off being shy and unrecognized.
A lesson learned: So sick of selling myself and I can tell you wish you were somewhere else. Hey, I get it, you're bored. I'd be bored too.
But my shield stays high. I can't let you take that away.
Because this is mine: this aimless dread. This wave of doubt I'm drowning in. This bag of skin surrounding me, where I'm a stranger to myself and a stranger to you too.
I am a hollow man. I'm just a crater. I'm just an extra in someone else's life. I long for clarity and I grasp for purpose but isolation pries my fingers apart.
So I'm sleepwalking. I won't let you take that away.
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2. |
Old Haunt
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3. |
The Call
03:51
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It gets dark again. My only friend calls out my name. Echoes inside of me as a child recoil in shame. I recognize I could be saved, but I don't mind. My fuse is lit. My charge is armed. I've given up.
So I fall back down into the holes from which I sprouted and buy myself some friends 'til last call. The shit swept up includes my ragged bones and I stumble my way back home, where I close my eyes, drift off to sleep and then, when tomorrow comes, I'll do it all again.
Can't stand the quiet and introspection is self-abuse so I'm seeking out somewhere dark and loud to sit and brood. I'll gather moss and slowly rot but I don't mind. I'll see it through. I'm learning to resent your youth.
If tomorrow comes, I'll take the call again.
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4. |
Equinox
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5. |
X'd Out
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6. |
Orb Weaver
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7. |
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The rot has set and we're all better off because of it. That's what we're led to believe. But I can't. The scalpel growing nearer every day. Sometimes that's all I can see. Still I try to evade these fantasies of guillotines. I know that's all that they are. Because facts lost. Facts are never what they seem to be. It's time to prep the O.R..
First, do no harm.
But then keep trying to convince yourself that all of this is normal. That's easier to believe. And keep waiting for some shining light to lead us out of darkness like lemmings into the sea between reason and insanity.
'Cause our goal is your recovery, Mr. Smith, so please stop trying to fight. Sometimes the patient doesn't even know he's sick. New treatments, then, are required.
Too long this cancer has been ignored.
We are, and have always been, at war.
I know we could end you. I know we could make you hurt. But I don't dare to believe.
I can't see a light beyond these blackest days.
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8. |
Asterisk
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9. |
Solstice
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10. |
Copstomp
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11. |
Widowed
03:20
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I went to bed with a dead man.
I followed the sound of his beating heart down into the furthest reach of a dreamless sleep. Into nothingness. From waveless seas to raging streams it came rushing in. Watch with your heart. Run with your gut. Careful not to lose your resolve.
Alcohol superhero leaping from tar-covered rooftops (with abandon). Incurious about his curse/gift of flight, and what it means to survive this next meaningless fight. The city is quiet. Empty.
So I guess this is goodnight.
This slow-motion suicide.
I know why we forget our dreams. There's no truth which will set me free. I'm bargaining and denying but I cannot accept this.
There's a place where no one knows the poisoned, futile life I lead. I don't live there anymore. Where nothing hurt and I'm just fine. I don't live there anymore. Oh, god damn it. God damn it. God damn it. God damn it.
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12. |
It Gazes Back
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End You Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
END YOU is the solo project of Philly-based screamer Eric Smith (ex-The Catalyst). The debut full length, AIMLESS DREAD, recorded over the early months of the coronavirus pandemic, will be out in early 2021.
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